Days after we buried my daughter, her daycare teacher sent me something that implicated my husband. What I saw destroyed everything I thought I knew about my marriage.
The morning Ava, my four-year-old daughter, got sick started like any other weekday.
She sat at the kitchen counter in pink pajamas, swinging her legs while making her stuffed rabbit “talk” to me in a tiny squeaky voice.
“Mommy,” she said seriously through the rabbit, “Mr. Bun-Bun says, ‘You work too much.’”
I laughed despite being stressed. “Mr. Bun-Bun should get a job so he can help me.”
Ava giggled so hard she almost dropped her fork!
I laughed despite being stressed.
***
I was supposed to take Ava to daycare that morning, as I always did, but my office had moved up an important meeting at the last minute.
My husband, Mark, grabbed his car keys from the counter. “I can take her. It’s on my way.”
“You sure?” I asked.
“Emily, it’s daycare drop-off, not brain surgery.”
Ava raised her rabbit proudly. “Daddy can do it!”
I kissed the top of my daughter’s head. “I’ll pick you up later, okay?”
“Can we get nuggets after?”
“You already know the answer.”
“Yesss!” she said happily.
That was the last normal conversation I ever had with my daughter.
“I can take her. It’s on my way.”
***
A few hours later, my phone rang while I was at work.
It was Miss Greenwood, Ava’s daycare teacher, and the second I heard the panic in her voice, I knew something was wrong.
“Mrs. Carter,” she said quickly without greeting, “Ava suddenly became very sick during class! The ambulance has already taken her to the hospital!” Then Miss Greenwood gave me the name of the hospital.
I was out the door before she finished speaking!
I knew something was wrong.
***
Mark met me at the hospital entrance, looking pale and shaken.
“She’s gonna be okay,” he kept saying.
I believed him because I had to.
After 40 horrific minutes in the waiting room, the doctor walked toward us with that expression people only wear when they’re about to change your life forever.
“I’m very sorry,” he said gently. “She had a severe allergic reaction. We did everything we could. But she didn’t make it.”
I just stared at him.
Because none of it made sense.
Ava had been perfectly fine that morning.
“She’s gonna be okay.”
***
The days that followed barely felt real.
I had no strength left and didn’t know how to keep living because my heart was shattered.
People filled our house with flowers and casseroles. My sister Jenna stayed with me because she was worried I wouldn’t sleep. She was right.
Meanwhile, Mark handled everything.
