“Ernesto is no hidden man,” she said in a trembling voice. He owns the land. We’re done paying him tomorrow.
Martin looked up.
The rage fell from his face little by little, like old paint in the rain.
“Do we finish?
“Yes.
She opened the notebook of squares she always had on the table.
Martin had hated her for years.
It seemed to him the symbol of his humiliation.
There were all the receipts, the bills and the savings.
Each page had dates, amounts, payments, subscriptions and small notes.
“Remove 100 from the chicken.”
“Do not buy blouse.”
“Save extra hours of Martin.”
“Madm Lawy’s Seams: 250.”
“Payment Ernesto: 1,800.”
“23,400 is missing.”
“There are 12,000 missing.”
“3,500 are missing.”
The last line said:
“Last payment: tomorrow.”
Martin felt his legs loosen.
He sat in the nearest chair.
Maribel stood, wearing a worn red dress and eyes filled with a sadness that he had never stopped to look at.
“5 years ago I saw that land announced on a cardboard stuck outside a store,” he explained. It was far away, yeah. It was not a stylish area. But it cost the only thing we could try to pay for.
Martin covered his mouth.
Why did you never tell me?
Maribel let out a broken laugh.
“Because every time we talked about money we ended up fighting. You came tired, rightly so. I was tired too. And if I told you, you were going to want to use that money to rest a little, to give you a taste, to feel no less than your friends.
He lowered his head.
That was true.
“I thought if I told you before, we wouldn’t make it,” she continued. Then I’d rather carry your anger. I preferred to tell me stingy, exaggerated, controlling… before we see each other another 10 years paying rent.
Martin closed his eyes.
He got all the memories at once.
The time he yelled at him because he only gave him 20 pesos for the truck.
The time she went to sleep without dinner to punish her.
The time his friends told him that Maribel “had him well domesticated” and he, burned, came to repeat the same thing in his face.
The time she cried short in the kitchen and he pretended to be asleep.
What a coward it felt.
How small.
Maribel pulled out a third sheet.
“And there’s something else.
Martin raised his face, scared.
“More?
She nodded.
I didn’t just pay for the ground. I also pushed away material. Cement, rod, block. Don Ernesto has a mason cousin. It will help us to lift first 2 rooms and the bathroom. It’s not gonna look pretty at first. Maybe I don’t even have a flat. But it’s gonna be ours.
Martin began to cry in silence.
Not like in the movies.
Not with dignity.
He wept with his face twisted, his shoulders overcome and the shame piercing his chest.
Maribel came slowly.
I wanted tacos, too, Martin. I also wanted to go out. I also wanted to buy new shoes and not remember them. I also wanted you not to look at me like I’m your enemy.
He let out a sob.
“Forgive me.
“But every time I said ‘no,’ it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. It was because I was keeping a piece of wall, a window, a door.
Martin pressed the papers against his chest.
I thought you were taking my life.
Maribel denied with her head.
“I was putting you together a place so you could rest without fear.
That phrase broke it.
Because he had always believed that he needed money to feel like a man.
Money to invite a round.
Money not to look bad.
Money so that others would not make fun of it.
But Maribel, silent and with her little book of squares, had understood something deeper.
What he needed was not a beer to forget life.
I needed a life I didn’t want to escape.
Martin got up and hugged her.
At first she was stiff.
He had received so many claims that even affection seemed suspicious.
But then he leaned his forehead on his chest and also cried.
The food cooled on the table.
The flan started to water.
The soda lost gas.
None of that mattered.
For several minutes, only 2 of them existed, hugging in the kitchen of a rented house that no longer looked like jail, but farewell.
“I’m an idiot,” Martin said in tears. I accused you of horrible things.
“Yes,” Maribel replied, without sweetening him.
He looked at her, surprised.
She took a deep breath.
